Isolation + Nursing
Good evening, my dear readers,
I finally have enough energy to sit down and write again. It’s taken a while, mainly because my health and mental state haven’t been the best lately.
Lately, I’ve felt a strong urge to isolate myself from the people around me. It’s not because anyone has done anything wrong, I’m just tired of feeling like people assume the worst about me and the people I care about. Even when I try to defend someone, it somehow seems to make things worse.
I’ve never really been drawn to large friend groups. I tend to attach myself to the people I genuinely love and care about, and I stay with them. Making friends isn’t difficult for me, I’m approachable, and people seem comfortable around me, but if I don’t feel a real connection, I don’t go out of my way to maintain it. Sometimes that makes me feel a bit cruel. At the same time, I know I could be happy staying close with the same few people for years.
I also catch myself thinking about disappearing sometimes, cutting everyone off and starting fresh. Realistically, I know that’s not possible. My city is small, and people have plenty of ways to reach me. Even in real life, I struggle with recognition, I’m very face-blind, so if I don’t form a connection with someone, I’m likely to forget them entirely.
Even with all this there’s a girl in one of my classes who I’ve grown to really admire. We work together, along with another girl, during workshops and physical assessments, and she is genuinely one of the kindest people I’ve met. During our finals on Friday, I was extremely unwell and anxious. She stayed by my side the entire time, checking in on me, guiding me through breathing exercises, and helping me stay calm and confident as we worked through everything.
At one point, while practicing vitals, she noticed my heart rate was 134 and my blood pressure reading was concerning. She immediately panicked and called a nurse over to check on me. I explained that my health can cause irregular readings, but even after that, she continued to quietly look out for me throughout the day. She even shared some of her own health experiences and family history. I’m genuinely grateful that someone like her is going into healthcare.