"People Can't Change"
Good afternoon, patients.
I got into an argument with my mother today. I don't like her, and she doesn't like me. She makes up things in her head and convinces herself—and the people around her—that her story actually happened. She refuses to acknowledge what she's done; instead, she gives gifts.
We were arguing two weeks ago about her boyfriend. This is the same man that abused us for years. He was in our house with his friends, doing drugs. I went straight to my mum, asking her why she was allowing this. She had promised, while crying and asking for my forgiveness, that she wouldn't allow his friends or his drugs in our house. She ended up getting mad at me for trying to tell grown adults off.
Anyway, we were arguing about it today, and she asked me, "When will you stop hating me?" I told her, "When you change and stick to your promises." She yelled at me, saying, "People can't change," and so, according to her, I will hate her forever.
She then started trying to explain to me that we weren't actually abused by him—the same man that drugged me, the same man that gave me alcohol since I was twelve, the same man who made fun of my sexual assault, the same man who punched me, the same man that slapped me, the same man who let his friends sleep in my bed, the same man who banned me from wearing shorts, dresses, singlets, and my school uniforms when his friends were over, the same man who starved us. But that isn't abuse to her. And us being put in a domestic violence emergency hotel was, according to her, not being homeless. Like, okay.
She basically said that she didn't want me living here anymore because I make things awkward for her boyfriend. I thought she was changing—genuinely thought she was trying to better herself. She started going to a course for aged care, for a proper job. Then I realized she hasn't changed. She refuses to grow, and whenever she's called out for this, she starts talking about how bad her life was.
I haven't told her my plans to move out yet, nor do I plan to. I want her to realize that I can just leave.